Becka & Zuri, Hopkins Ridge Wind Farm

We climbed up so close to the windmills we could hear the creaking of the giant blades as they turned.

We could feel the rush of wind. 

We stayed until the sky turned pink, and driving home in the rain and the dark we talked about the fears that keep us awake at night, and what helps us feel safe.



"I’m looking to be useful

in the way that I was made to be




"A lot of the decisions I have made up to this point, as far as what I’m doing with my life,

are because of other people: 

what other people have told me that I’m good at, and

what other people think that I should do."




"I realized recently that I was unhappy with my life: 

I only experienced fleeting moments of joy and happiness,

and feeling like I’m doing what I should be doing.



"I realized that soon, I could be a completely different person

from what I ever wanted to be,

and there’s no way to get back to that."



"I thought,

what is holding me back?

What is stopping me?

What am I scared of?"



"In one day, I quit my job

and I signed up for culinary school

and I did it without telling anyone."



"I’m anxious about things like,

will I be able to pay my bills,

will I be successful,

will I be happy,

will I be bored of it in a couple of years."



"But the next step, after all of that, is:

you pick up the next day

and you go on, and

if you don’t like it then

you do something else."



"Sometimes anxiety keeps me awake at night,

and I’ll run loops of noises through my head

and I’ll think there’s someone in my house, or something bad is happening

to someone I love, or a storm is coming

and a tree will fall on the house."



"Zuri makes me feel safe."



"She goes to all my friends’ houses with me—even friends that maybe don’t want a dog

in their house.

But they love her."



"Zuri is my baby dinosaur.

She is a gentle giant."



"I just need to be within arm’s reach

of a helping hand, and

Zuri gives that to me: she’s my

safety net."



"Now I get it: I get how an animal

can save your life."



"I have an ugly fear

of feeling like I’ll always

be misunderstood: like no one knows

or can connect with my soul."



"Love should bridge

that gap and we receive it from so many people —

but I am reminded when I am with my dog

that I don't have to be




"Zuri doesn’t understand me."



"She is simply here for me."




are like the unseen forces of the earth

and universe that remind us

that we are going to be alright,

even in the moments when we are the loneliest

and ugliest and most disconnected."










Danielle ShullComment